I fantasized about love since I was a little girl. I frequently dreamed about what my first kiss would be like. I would expect nothing less than a romantic kiss in the rain like Noah and Allie in the Notebook.
Turns out my first kiss ended up being a couple of random pecks with my crush at my friends birthday party.
The next week my crush made-out with this girl from my high school in front of me at my 16th birthday party because he was mad I wouldn’t make out with him the weekend before. I listened to “Dancing on My Own” on repeat for the next month. Ohh, young love.
Why am I telling you this story? I’m telling you this because I want you to know that love isn’t a fantasy. Sure I may hashtag “couples goals” on my photos but in reality behind the photo, life isn’t always a fairytale.
I don’t care who you see on Instagram that looks like the “perfect couple” I promise you behind that staged pizza date and twinkling lights photo, their relationship isn’t 100% happy all of the time.
Every couple argues and every couple has disagreements! You don’t need to compare your relationship to that amazing picture perfect couple you see on Instagram. They don’t actually exist in real life. You can’t expect your partner to be Romeo and in return, they can’t expect you to be their Victoria Secret angel.
Don’t wish for other couples or peoples lives. You never really know what they are suffering with behind the scenes. Maybe they aren’t actually suffering, but I guarantee you their life isn’t “perfect.” Granted there are plenty of couples who are truly happy behind their posts, but like I said no one is 100% happy all of the time. My husband and I are SO happy, but we definitely get irritated with each other every once in a while.
Work together in your relationship to bring the best out in each other. I think so often we may think, “Jessica’s boyfriend got her flowers this week for no reason” or “Sarah’s husband is taking her to Paris.” WHO CARES! That’s exciting for them, but just because you don’t get those things doesn’t mean you don’t have the perfect partner for you.
Granted, I love to feel appreciated. If you need flowers or spontaneous trips to feel happy in your relationship then let your partner know. You can’t just give them no indication of what you want and then expect them to do it. If I have learned anything through my dating life, it is that guys need a lot of help. They need you to literally tell them word for word when you want something. If you tell them to leave when you really want them to stay, they are most likely going to leave because they don’t actually understand. They need verbal confirmation!
For example, Valentines Day this year was a complete disaster. Valentine’s Day is typically every girl’s idea of romance. This year I wanted to do something special for my husband. So I cut out 50+ pink and red hearts and then taped them to the wall of our bedroom and wrote all the things I love about him. Then I did the five senses- sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound. For sight I bought him a movie, for smell I got a new candle, for taste I bought chocolates, for touch I bought lotion, and for sound I made him a cute playlist of our songs. I had everything laid out on our bed with some red rose petals as well. I wanted him to feel appreciated and I wanted him to feel special!
My husband told me that he had class late and wouldn’t get home until 8 pm or so. In my mind, I thought, “hmm maybe he will surprise me and do something cute.” Turns out we weren’t on the same wavelength. He got home at 9 pm and handed me a target bag. Inside it had ice cream and my favorite movie, Bohemian Rhapsody. Then he said, “have you not eaten yet?” I was so mad.
I think I just expected him to do something special because our first Valentine’s Day together (2016) was insanely romantic. He put together a whole scavenger hunt for me with clues that rhymed and meant a lot in our relationship. Then at the end of the scavenger hunt, he had me meet him at this lookout at sunset. He had flowers, a huge stuffed bear, chocolates and then we went to dinner in the city.
The next day (after Valentines Day 2019) we talked about everything and he told me how sorry he was. Here is the thing though, it wasn’t just his fault. It was also mine because we did not communicate effectively. If I would have told him that I wanted to do something special then maybe he would have gotten the hint. Life is also different now, for our first Valentines Day my mom was able to watch my son for us so we could have this amazing date. Sometimes you have to be realistic with your expectations and know that sometimes our guys will mess up!
Real Couples Goals
Although, you need to make sure you are dating someone that actually cares about you. Does he take you out every once in a while or plan a nice date? Does he make you feel special and 100% secure in your relationship? If you answered yes, then that is a good sign. If you have to question his loyalty or defend his character to your friends/family then that is probably a good indication that he isn’t husband material.
Way too often I see girls falling for the wrong kind of guy. I know because I used to be one of those girls. Always wanting the bad boy because he is a challenge and other girls swoon over his carefree attitude. Ladies listen close, he does not care about you. Maybe he does when he is with you, but the second he leaves he is free from care. A guy like this will only leave you heartbroken.
Once I had my son, my type in men had changed. I used to like the bad boy, but I learned from my experiences that I needed to look for someone to marry. Someone who would love me, and only me. Someone who would respect me, and care for me despite my past or flaws. I found him because I learned from my past experiences and I knew exactly what I needed in a partner.
Real couples goals are good healthy relationships. In a partnership where you are completely equal and feel secure.
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