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marriage

Marriage Advice: He is Here

Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, but for us, it didn’t feel that way. Yes, we had to make a ton of sacrifices and there were definitely things we had to adjust to… like living together and sharing a space 24/7.

Truthfully the “hardest” part of my marriage was going into it with a child. Learning to parent with someone else after spending a couple of years doing it on my own and learning their overall parenting style was also part of that. 

Different Habits in Marriage 

Nothing was really a surprise when Jacob and I got married because we dated long enough to know exactly what we were getting ourselves into… no catfishing here. What I really noticed about being a newlywed was that we have different habits, very different. For example, whenever Jacob makes food and he is on the go, he tends to bring bowls, pots, cups, etc. with him. I always find a pot of oatmeal in his car or a glass bowl with scraps of food left in it. This drives me NUTS. But, he is here.

Jacob is also a CRAZY sleeper. You guys…this guy gets buck wild in his sleep. Just the other night I woke up to him petting…yes, like actual PETTING my head. He’s also a serial sleep talker and walker… and man oh man I get SO upset. But, he is here.

For the record, I am not perfect but I would say that I am cleaner than Jacob. In general, I feel like most girls are more organized or cleaner than guys. My sweet Jacob means well but that sweet man has a tendency to leave everything he touches, out. Whether it’s food, clothes or shoes. It used to bug me so much. Depending on my mood, sometimes it still does, but I talked to a friend the other day and she shared something with me that really stuck. She said, “his mess means that he is there.” 

This hit me so hard. I think sometimes we like to pick the faults in others and especially our spouses but at the end of the day, we love the crap out of them and there is a reason we vow to spend our lives with them. His mess means that he is HERE. Here with me. Here with Hudson. Here for our family. Here to love me. Here to make a difference. Here to grow old with me. Let that sink in for a second. 

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When I was pregnant and alone I wished and prayed every night that I would find my husband and a father for Hudson. I was so depressed and all I wanted was to be happy. Everything I prayed for, I have today and sometimes I get caught up in the moment and forget that I need to sit back and think about how much I have to be grateful for. If the food, clothes, and shoes were not there, it would mean that he wasn’t there either and he is all I wanted and prayed for.

My point on talking about my husband’s “flaws” is to explain to you that we need to be more grateful for what we have. I need to be more grateful for what I have. In general I think as human beings our first instinct is to point out the negative, instead, we need to sit back and find the positive.

I say find the positive because sometimes it isn’t easy to find the positive in certain situations. When I was pregnant and single it was VERY hard to find anything positive in my everyday life. But when you sit back and think about it, there is a silver lining everywhere. I had a healthy baby boy that I was able to grow in my tummy. I had food on the table, and I had a very supportive family. It was hard to see then, but now I see just how blessed I was.

Adjusting to Marriage

The biggest adjustment for me after getting married was definitely money. Luckily I saved like crazy before we got married or I don’t know what we would have done! I think most marriages will struggle with money in the beginning if you’re young or still in college. Adding a kid into the mix makes it even more expensive. 

Right now I currently spend $1,600 or more a month on babysitting. Jacob and I are cutting even every month after our expenses. We don’t even make any profit for savings. Life is EXPENSIVE! I didn’t really realize how much life costs until I got married. 

Car insurance, life insurance, health insurance, groceries, babysitting, gas money and more. It all adds up and it all kind of hit me like a tornado. Jacob has been on his own since he went to college, so luckily he was already prepared for this. 

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Being a single mom helped me a lot too. I learned to sacrifice things I wanted for things I needed. I stopped spending money on myself and only spend it on food, gas, and Hudson. Even now I have a hard time spending money on myself. I will only buy something if it’s an investment (like my new expensive camera lens). Sacrifice now so you can spend later. 

Other than money, our time together has been a big adjustment as well. Now that it is summer and Jacob isn’t in school it has been a lot better… but fall and winter were SO hard. Jacob would leave for school early in the morning and not get back until 10 pm, sometimes even later. It was rare to see him before 8 p.m

In the fall I was going to school, working an internship and starting my blog all while trying to be a good mom. In the winter it got even more difficult for me. I started working full time in the winter and spent 9 hours plus a commute away from Hudson.

This was incredibly hard at first. I felt like such a bad mom every time he would cry and cling on to me as I tried to walk out the door. No one prepared me for the nights I would come home. Juggling fatigue, mom duties, and my blog was hard AF. 

Motivation in Marriage

I constantly questioned myself and went through phases of being super motivated and then super unmotivated. I felt like I had too much on my plate and when I was unmotivated I felt ready to walk away.

Now, in this moment, I will say I am SO glad I pushed through my slumps. Whenever I feel like giving up, that’s when I tend to push myself harder. I have used this tactic throughout my entire life. When I played D1 tennis we would have really hard workouts every week. There were so many times during our sprints or long distance runs where I thought, “shoot I don’t think I can do this any longer” or I would tell myself that, “I could just run a little slower.”

Whenever I had these negative thoughts I would push even harder. I would turn my treadmill up .5 mph or I would go from a jog to a full-blown sprint. I knew that I was capable of pushing it harder and if I passed out or fell on my knees then I would know my limit. But guess what, that never happened. 

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I guess what I’m trying to convey is that over the years I have learned that we are able to do so much more than we think we can. We are so much more capable of success and victory than our mind tells us. So try this next time things get hard in any aspect of your life. PUSH HARDER. Push harder than you ever have before and you will succeed and achieve the results you are looking for! 

If I have learned anything in my crazy life, is that no matter how hard life is or sucky it may seem it will get better and you can NEVER give up. Period. 

Anyways I love you, thanks for reading and just being my friend! If this has been beneficial or impacted you in any way please share the love! Come say hi on my most recent Insta post, nothing makes me happier than hearing from YOU! 

Much Love,

Mayci J

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