In general, a single mom receives a lot of criticism and judgment. There’s honestly no real way to get around it, and that’s ok! I had close friends, family, church members, and random strangers judge me all the time. It’s learning to love yourself and your life which allows you to be free from caring about their judgment.
There was one time in particular where I felt so judged and embarrassed as a single mom. I was at a pretty nice restaurant called Javier’s for my mom’s birthday in Newport Beach. My son was about 14 months old at the time. He was being a little wild during dinner, casually doing a little shriek of excitement or throwing a fork or two on the floor. But it wasn’t to the point where I was concerned or worried that he was being too obnoxious.
We had just got our food when this older woman came up to me. She starts with, “I hope you have enjoyed your dinner,” I looked up and smiled at her and I was about to say, “thanks” but she continued with, “because you have certainly ruined mine. Thanks a lot.” All while looking at Hudson and me with a scowl.
I was so caught off guard. To be honest, I was so embarrassed and confused that I wanted to cry. It’s hard enough to control a child at dinner, but when you’re doing it alone as a single mom, it’s even harder. Luckily my dad was on the opposite side of the table and didn’t hear this rude lady or else he would have chewed her out. If it were the old me, the “Mayci before having a child,” I probably would have given her a piece of my mind. But becoming a single mom dulled my confidence and overall made me less comfortable standing up for myself like I used to.
5 Ways to Overcome Judgement
With that experience, here are 5 ways I overcame judgment as a mom:
- Relax– At the end of the day no one is perfect, so who is anyone to judge you anyway?
- Confidence– Trust in yourself and your abilities as a mom. You had the strength to decide to parent this child, that alone shows an insane amount of confidence.
- Time– Give it some time. At first, you may feel a little more worried about judgment because you’re new to being a parent, and doing it alone is NOT easy.
- Laugh– There’s going to be times when your child has a complete meltdown and you wished that you had someone to help. Now you are worried people are looking at you and judging how you raise and discipline your child. It’s in these times when we laugh. Shake it off, every child in this world will have a meltdown at some point, it’s normal. So when it happens, just laugh and get over it!
- Don’t Give a F***– Excuse my language but this is the most important one of them all. This is the motto that I always tried to follow as a single mom. Don’t feel insecure because you are a single mom… OWN IT. You are the one strong enough to take on the full responsibility of parenting a child. You are a rockstar! When people judge you, brush it off. WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK. What truly matters is what you think of yourself. This applies to all mommas out there, brush off the haters and keep being that kick-ass mom that you are!!
What I Learned as a Single Mom
With time and growth, I have learned so much from this experience! If something like this were to happen to me in current time I would definitely say something kind back to this lady. When you respond with kindness you will usually see that other people will suddenly realize how wrong they are. I see it on Instagram as well. I have had a few haters or trollers whatever you want to call them. Whenever I respond to these people with kindness, they almost always apologize and tell me that they have been having a hard time and they were looking for someone to take their aggression out on.
Although I completely understand the need to have to put someone in their place or “clap back” at them. I recently had someone troll my Instagram account on a Q&A. They asked me if I was a “fame whore” and if I enjoy “exploiting my child” and more. This is the first time I maybe responded negatively or snarky towards another person. In certain situations, you can’t let people walk all over you and not have any repercussions for it. They will continue to do it to others and think it’s ok.
I also want to talk about Instagram for a second. Do not compare yourself to ANYONE. I know you will see mom’s on there with their perfect families and sparkling clean houses with kids who look like they actually breathe excellence. I promise you, it is all for the gram. They do not have it together all the time. Nobody does! Instagram is just a highlight of life, it doesn’t always show the flaws or the inconsistencies.
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